Isn't That Hiccup Harrassment?
by RPPuzzle
Summary: Squid Girl gets the hiccups. Eiko and Chizuru go to extreme lengths to cure her. Different from what happens in the anime/manga. Silly and fluffy one-shot with some yuri.


**A/N: So this story is a completely distorted, fluffy, yuri take on the events of Squid girl chapter 84 and season 2 episode 4. Of all the content in chapters and episodes that inspire me to go on rampaging story tangents, why did I finally settle on expanding this one into a full story? I have no idea, since other events have made me squee in happiness even more. Anyway I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it.**

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><p>"Seriously, if you hiccup 30 times you'll die? And conventional ways of stopping it won't work?" Eiko said.<p>

"Basically," Squid girl replied.

"So is there a special way to stop them?" Chizuru asked.

"Yes, you have to make me happy~geso."

Eiko hit Squid girl on the head. "Don't make us worry over nothing idiot!"

"No it's true I'm not making it up~geso!" Squid girl exclaimed, running up and wrapping her arms around Eiko's waist, "Save me Eiko!"

Eiko's eyes widened, startled at the sudden hug. Her red eyes met Squid girl's pleading baby blues, causing her to descend into them like the sun would the ocean horizon. Deep down, she would do anything for this girl even if the request was stupid. You could say Squid girl had her heart in the palms of her tentacles. Maybe it was the constriction making it beat really hard. She wish it would stop—it was embarrassing. Eiko relented in a sigh, finding this whole thing rather ridiculous.

"Fine, so how do we make you happy anyway?"

"I can't just tell you, you have to surprise me with something pleasant, otherwise it won't work~geso." Squid girl replied, causing Eiko's eyebrow to twitch.

_How does Squid girl go from unimaginably adorable to mind-boggling annoying in mere seconds?_ Eiko wondered. _Hmm something surprising huh…_

"Hey Squid girl, take off your clothes."

"What! Why? *hic*" Squid girl asked, taking a few steps back.

"If I tell you why, it'll ruin the surprise. Just do it!" Eiko stepped forward, grabbing the bottom of the dress and lifting it up over her head.

"What are you doing to me~geso? I didn't know you were into this kind of stuff Eiko! You're worse than Sanae~geso!" Squid girl said hugging her chest in exasperation, running to hide in front of the living room couch. Eiko rolled her eyes and followed.

"Oh quit being so dramatic and lie down on your stomach!" Eiko commanded.

"So you can molest me? I don't think so~geso!"

Eiko didn't have time for this; there were only 25 hiccups left. "Squid girl look, there's a plate of shrimp on the ground behind you!"

"What? Where?" Squid girl turned around searching frantically, leaving her back wide open and unguarded. Eiko pushed her down and she hit the ground flat on her face. Before she could react, Eiko pinned Squid girl's arms to her sides, then took 5 tentacles each and tied them around her wrists so she couldn't fight back.

"Eh? Let me go!" Squid girl exclaimed, kicking her legs about in resistance. She could probably break free if she wanted to, but it was apparent that Eiko was determined to do something to her. So in the end, curiosity won out, but that didn't mean she wasn't still worried about it. Eiko bent down and straddled Squid Girl's butt between her knees and proceeded to punch her in the head.

"Quit struggling, I'm trying to help you!" Eiko growled.

"If this is what you're going to do, then I don't want your help~geso!" Squid girl sobbed.

"Don't worry, I promise it'll feel good," Eiko reassured her as she pulled her swimsuit straps down her shoulders, causing Squid girl to blush furiously. Just as she did, Chizuru and Takeru walked in.

"Oh my," Chizuru said, her hand covering her mouth in surprise.

"Sis, are you really going to do that? You're so lucky, Ika-neechan!" Takeru exclaimed.

"You guys are ok with this~geso? *hic*" Squid girl asked in disbelief, turning to face them with a horrified look.

"All right, time to go to work," Eiko cracked her knuckles, kricked her head from side to side, then placed her hands on Squid girl's shoulders.

_This is it, my innocence is about to be stolen…no one will take me as a wife now!_ Squid girl cried, closing her eyes and expecting the worst, when she suddenly felt Eiko's hands rub deeply into her shoulder blades. After a few moments of apprehensively tensing her body, she relaxed and let her face drop to the floor.

"This feels really good~geso *hic*," Squid girl said in a sedated tone of voice.

"Of course it does, I don't mean to brag, but I'm a master when it comes to massages." Eiko proclaimed proudly.

"Why didn't you tell me this was what you were going to do in the first place?"

"Because you said it had to be a surprise!" Eiko replied in annoyance, "Now shut up and enjoy it." Squid girl spoke no further and let Eiko do her thing. She kneaded the soft, squishy skin between her fingers, rubbed deeply with her knuckles, moved her palms up and down her back, and karate chopped for a good 15 minutes. Eiko then got up, wiped the sweat off her forehead with her arm, and sighed contently.

"So how was that? Are they gone now?"

Squid girl also got up, looked forward thoughtfully, and after a few moments, hiccupped again. She turned towards Eiko and the others and rubbed her head sheepishly, "Eheh, guess not~geso."

When she turned to face them, Eiko yelped in surprise and turned so bright red that steam was coming off the top of her head. Chizuru's eyes flew wide open and swiftly covered Takeru's eyes with her hand. Squid girl looked at their reaction quizzically.

"It's not that big of deal~geso, it's not like I'm going to die or anything."

Eiko closed her eyes and twisted her head to the side. "P-P-PULL YOUR STRAPS UP IDIOT!"

"Huh?" Squid girl looked down and saw that her boobs were completely exposed. "Waaah!" she shrieked, quickly pulling her straps up and blushing just as red if not redder than Eiko. _S-s-she saw my boobs. I'm so embarrassed I could die! Er wait a minute, why should I be embarrassed? It's not like she hasn't seen anything like them before..._

"What just happened?" Takeru asked Chizuru.

"I'll explain it to you when you're older," she replied.

"You're just lucky Sanae isn't here," Eiko pointed out, clutching her chest as she tried to catch her breath and dissolve the awkward atmosphere.

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><p>Meanwhile, at Sanae's house moments before Squid girl got up, Sanae sat down with a cup of instant noodles at her computer desk. "Let's see what Squiddie's up to tonight," she chirped gleefully to herself as she clicked on the webcam program on her computer. She then clicked on the hidden camera that resided in the TV, since that's where Squiddie usually was that time of day. When she saw Squiddie's half naked profile, she dropped her jaw and stared with eyes the size of saucers. A few seconds passed until she finally comprehended that yes, those were her beloved's boobs. Once that sunk in, the blood gusher coming out of her nose propelled her chair backward, causing her to pass out from joyous shock overload and foam at the mouth.<p>

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><p>"No kidding~geso," Squid girl shuddered at the thought.<p>

Eiko regained some composure and attempted to ignore what just happened by changing the subject. "Hey wait a minute—did you just say you aren't going to die? You mean I gave you my ultra special massage for no good reason!"

Squid girl sweatdropped; she was caught, crap. "Uh, well yes and no, see I won't die, but my tentacles will transform into grotesque shapes and attack people indiscriminately."

_That's even harder to believe than dying from hiccups,_ Eiko thought. Who in their right mind would believe this nonsense? Then again, stranger things have happened, like being able to glow in the dark. Might as well indulge her a little longer; she had nothing better to do than screw around with Squid girl anyway.

"A-anyway don't act so self-important Eiko, let someone else give it a try~geso."

Eiko's fist started shaking, _you little…_ but Chizuru put a hand on Eiko's shoulder to stop her. Eiko looked at her and Chizuru just nodded in a way that conveyed: I've got this. _This ought to be good,_ Eiko smirked as she watched Chizuru walk up to Squid girl.

"I challenge you to a duel, Ika-chan," Chizuru proposed, taking a battle stance.

Squid girl's eyes widened and she started to sweat nervously. "Y-you mean the card game kind right~geso?"

"Nope, the kind with fists and pain," Chizuru replied, completely serious.

"Do you want me to die after all~geso? *hic*" Squid girl squeaked.

"Of course not, that would be terrible. It's not a battle to the death, it's just whoever gets knocked to the ground first loses."

"I have no chance of winning though~geso. You know what happened last time!"

"Ah, but that match happened immediately after you came to the shore. Don't you think you've improved since then?"

"Hmm…I didn't think about it like that. Ok I accept your challenge!" Squid girl said, pointing at Chizuru with a dramatic pose. _She's so easy to convince,_ thought Eiko with a sweatdrop, _don't trounce her too badly Aneki_.

"I think we should take this outside. That way we won't destroy the house if this face-off gets serious." Eiko suggested.

"Good idea, Eiko-chan. Shall we?" Chizuru said, motioning toward the door.

And so they all went to the front yard, Eiko acting as the referee, while Chizuru and Squid girl stood 5 yards away from each other. Squid girl acted tough in the house, but now that she was on the field, she didn't feel so confident. _Let's see~geso, last time I went at her with most of my tentacles at once, perhaps I should try it one after the other this time. Less of my hair will get chopped off this way at least~geso._

Takeru tugged on Eiko's sleeve, "Onee-chan, I don't know who to root for, big sis or Ika-neechan."

Eiko smiled down at him and ruffled his hair, "Don't worry about it Takeru, this'll be over before you know it. Aneki, Squid girl, are you guys ready?" Chizuru nodded, and Squid girl gave an affirmative hiccup. _Jeez she's sweating like crazy, _Eiko sighed. "All right, ready…and fight!" she said lifting her hand into the air.

Immediately, Chizuru rushed toward Squid girl, just like the last time they fought. _I'm going to die, I'm going to die! I don't want to die~geso, _she thought quivering. Her survival instinct kicked in and her tentacles shot out one after the other as Chizuru chopped them down just like before. Squid girl started to panic. She only had 3 tentacles left, what should she do? Glancing to the side, she saw a fence post. _I got it~geso! _Quickly, Squid girl looped one of her tentacles around the fence post and the opposing deck post, creating a clothesline to trip Chizuru up. _Ha she'll run into this and get knocked down for sure~geso_. Unfortunately for Squid girl, Chizuru leapt high into the air and was falling back down toward her, hand poised and ready to deal a karate chop blow.

Suddenly things started to move in slow motion, and Squid girl could do nothing but stand frozen in terror. _This is it I'm done for_, she thought, _so long world, and thanks for all the shrimp!_ Eiko on the other hand, watched anxiously as her sister descended closer and closer. She didn't want Squid girl to get hurt; she had to do something!

"Squid girl, what are you doing? Fling her back!"

Hearing Eiko call her name snapped her out of her stupor. Before she knew what she was doing, she crossed her remaining two tentacles across either side of her body. When Chizuru got close enough, she whipped them both forward as hard as she could, smacking her square in the stomach and sent her flying backwards. She hit the ground tumbling backwards and eventually came to a complete stop flat on her back. A few seconds passed as all three of them stared in disbelief, jaws dropped to the floor. Once Eiko and Takeru collected themselves though, they ran to their sister's side.

"Are you alright, big sis? Are you hurt?" Takeru asked, fearful for his big sister's well being. When she didn't respond, Eiko took two fingers and touched it to her sister's wrist, when suddenly Chizuru's other hand gripped Eiko's wrist, making Eiko scream as though the dead had come back to life.

"Haha got you Eiko! I'm totally fine. I saw Squid girl's move coming," Chizuru reassured them smiling. Eiko, however, couldn't help but smack her sister on the head in irritation.

"Jeez you scared the living snot out of me! You could've let us in on this you know!"

"Ouch sheesh it was just a little joke," Chizuru complained rubbing her head. "Besides, I couldn't tell you guys because Squid girl might've overheard that I let her win to make her happy."

"Goodness sis you can be so extreme sometimes. Well let's see if it worked, shall we?" Eiko stood up and offered her hand to Chizuru and helped pull her up. Then all three of them headed back to Squid girl, who was babbling and hiccupping in a shaky nervous wreck.

When Squid girl saw Chizuru approaching, she fell to her knees and put her face to the ground. "P-please don't kill me Chizuru-san~geso!" Squid girl begged

"Calm down, I won't kill you Ika-chan. You won fair and square. Aren't you happy that you beat me?"

"'_Happy?'_" Squid girl responded incredulously, springing to her feet in exasperation. "I thought I was about die at the hands of a force scarier than any shark or killer whale in the entire ocean! That scared the ink outta me~geso!" She finished, waving her arms about in emphasis.

"Oh dear," Chizuru said, exchanging a worried look with Eiko and Takeru. "Looks like we're back to the drawing board then."

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><p>Back inside, Takeru, Chizuru and Eiko sat on the couch and stared at the hiccupping squid that stood before them, wondering what else they could do to make her happy enough and stop the hiccups. Squid girl brought her arms to her side, lifted her forearms to her chest, and balled her hands into fists. After a prolonged power-grunt, her tentacles grew back like a chia-pet on steroids. Takeru's eyes glittered from being able to witness the event for the first time in person. After a few more minutes passed, Eiko closed her eyes and shifted in her seat uncomfortably, knowing she was going to regret what she was about to do.<p>

_Sigh…I didn't want to have to do this, but…_ "Hey Squid girl, close your eyes," Eiko said, getting up off the couch to face her. She had no choice; surely by now only a few hiccups remained, and as curious as Eiko was to see these "grotesque shapes" Squid girl spoke of, she didn't want to risk this house getting damaged like the beach house.

"Jeez, what is it this time~geso?"

"Just shut up and do it!" Eiko demanded again, blushing a bit at the thought of what she was about to do. With a suspicious glance, Squid girl did as she was told.

Suddenly, Eiko's heart started pounding as she looked at the blue-haired girl. Why was she so nervous? It was just a kiss…people kiss all the time on TV. It didn't mean she loved Squid girl that way…or did it? These and many more crazy thoughts spun around in Eiko's head for what seemed like ten minutes rather than ten seconds. In any case, deep down, although she'd never admit she thought this, an opportunity like this didn't happen every day. Plus the feelings she had for the girl were awfully compelling, even though her brain found them unsettling. Ah screw it—Eiko wasn't one to think, she was one to act, even though it was a characteristic that reflected poorly in her academic performance.

She placed both of her hands on the girl's shoulders. _Come on, you can do this; you practiced this a hundred times on Depp all those years ago._ Her palms sweating, Eiko gulped, took a deep breath, and planted her lips on Squid girl's in a full-on, no-holds-barred kiss. It was Chizuru's turn to be surprised into a gaping jaw drop.

As Eiko's eyes squeezed shut, Squid girl's flew wide open, completely taken aback by what was happening to her right now. She forgot how to control any part of her body as her temperature rose higher and higher, frying her brain. Eiko's face was also bright red, but she stuck to her guns and worked her lips the best she could on Squid girl's mouth. It didn't take long before Squid girl reacted, kissing her back as if it were only natural. Before this, she used to think kissing was really dirty, but now that she was the one kissing, it actually felt really good_. No wonder people do this so often~geso…wait, what am I saying? … Oh who cares~geso._

"Eeew, onee-chan that's gross! I did _not_ need to see my own sister of all people kiss someone, let alone Ika-neechan!" Takeru retched and ran out of the room.

Both of them flushed even more at the comment. Squid girl unthinkingly opened her mouth to protest when Takeru expressed his reasonable disgust, but before she could say anything, the redhead instinctively plunged her tongue into Squid girl's mouth. For a moment Squid girl thought she was going to gag, but then her tongue moved in kind to Eiko's movements. Eiko was in a state of too much bliss from the squid ink taste in the other girl's mouth to feel horrified about crossing such a personal boundary so quickly. The intensified kiss made her grab Squid girl's face and bring it in deeper and closer. Squid girl also instinctively wrapped her arms around redhead's neck and slithered her tentacles up her back and through her hair, one tentacle even pulling Eiko's waist closer to her own. Both girls completely forgot why they were doing this in the first place, or even where they were exactly, and just let themselves melt into each other.

Chizuru, after watching this go on for a few minutes in utter bemusement, got up with a mischievous grin on her face and walked over to the CD player. She popped in a _REO Speedwagon_ CD, cranked up the volume at the opportune moment, and the song blasted out: _And I can't fight this feeling anymoooore!_ Eiko and Squid girl jumped and pulled apart, startled at the sudden loud noise. When Eiko recognized what was playing, she turned an angry, yet embarrassed, shade of red and chucked a couch pillow as hard as she could at her sister.

"ANEKI! THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"

"O-ho-ho-ho-ho," Chizuru mock laughed with her hand to the side of her face. She leapt to the side on tiptoe like a ballerina and dodged the pillow, which hit the stereo and shut off the music.

Just moments before they kissed, Sanae woke up groggily on her back with her legs hanging over the fallen chair seat. _Why is my mouth dry and my hair covered in blood_, she thought in confusion. Then she remembered what caused her current state and almost passed out again in blissful recollection. Quickly jumping to to her feet, she looked at the webcam only to see Eiko French kissing her beloved Squiddie. Crazed with jealousy, Sanae bolted out of the house in her house slippers faster than a racecar. The people she passed by looked at her like she was a deranged psychopath who had just finished murdering some poor soul, even though she hadn't murdered anyone…_yet_.

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><p>Eiko also wanted to bolt out of the house, but for an entirely different reason. She wanted to run away from facing everyone after what she just did, but she convinced herself to stand her ground and play down the incident like it was no big deal. At least, she hoped she could make it come across that way.<p>

"S-so," Eiko lowered her head and scuffed her foot against the carpet while clasping her hands and twiddling her thumbs behind her back. "Are they gone now?"

"Huh…is what gone now…?" Squid girl asked in a daze.

"You know," Eiko cleared her throat and tried to sound less happy and more annoyed, "the hiccups."

"Oh…yeah. Thanks." Squid girl replied, still staring off at nothing in particular.

"You're welcome," Eiko responded. Then they just stood there for a few minutes, trying to come back to reality and comprehend what just happened. It was an incredibly awkward couple of minutes. Then all of a sudden, Eiko cracked first.

"Gaaaah, I can't believe I gave my first kiss to a squid!" she wailed, grabbing her hair with both hands, throwing her head back, and dropping to her knees.

"Geso-geso-geso," Squid girl chuckled. "That's the first time you've ever kissed someone? And you're what, 17? Come on Eiko, even I have to say that's rather pathetic." Squid girl jeered, folding her arms smugly against her chest. In reality though, the fact that she was the first person Eiko had ever kissed made her really happy.

"Oh yeah, what do you know? When did you become such a know-it-all on the subject?" Eiko said, picking Squid girl up by the collar in a rage.

"Mo…vies…" Squid girl strained to get out. "Two…can play…at this game!" Squid girl wrapped three of her tentacles around the girl and squeezed, making Eiko let go.

"Like you're one to talk, you gave your first kiss to _me_ as well!"

"Like I knew you were going to kiss me! I didn't even get to see it coming!"

"Well you didn't exactly put up much of a resistance!"

"T-that's because," Squid girl blushed furiously, "s-shut up!" she spluttered and tightened her grasp around Eiko, causing her to cry out in pain.

Sanae rounded the corner and heard Eiko yell out, but in her masochistic mind it sounded like a loud moan of pleasure. Her ears steaming, Sanae kicked down the door and screamed, "YOU'RE ONLY ALLOWED TO VIOLATE ME, SQUIDDIE!"

Squid girl's grip immediately loosened around Eiko, who roughly landed on her butt. The blue-haired girl then whirled around only to see the last person she wanted to see at the moment: Sanae, currently standing in the living room entryway.

"S-Sanae, you saw?" Eiko asked anxiously, getting up and rubbing her buttocks.

"Of course I did, I saw everything! Squiddie's boobs, the kiss, the whole shebang!" Squid girl's eyes turned white, stunned by the revelation that her stalker saw all those things.

"Wait a minute…all of our curtains are drawn closed from the inside and we would've heard you come in…so how did you see anything?"

"Er…well…that is to say…" Sanae said, looking down at her slippers in bashful guilt.

"Sanae, you put surveillance cameras in our house again didn't you?"

"Um, maybe a few, but you're the felon here!" Sanae declared suddenly, pointing an accusing finger at Eiko. "Taking advantage of a minor, sexual harassment, shame on you! And I have it all on video to prove it!"

Eiko chuckled darkly. "You do know that you'll get in trouble too on charges of invasion of privacy if you reported that to the police, don't you?"

_Crap she's right!_ Sanae thought as she took a stricken step back. _But Eiko's not going to get away with this!_ "Child molester!"

A vein popped on Eiko's forehead as she charged at Sanae and grabbed her by the shirt. "I am _NOT_ a child molester! It was necessary to get rid of her hiccups. Besides, you're one to talk!" Eiko growled. "Take down all the cameras around our house _now_! And erase all their footage from your computer. If you don't, I'll file a restraining order and you won't be allowed within 100 feet of _MY_ Squiddie ever again!"

Sanae, and frankly everyone, was shocked at Eiko's angry outburst. Even Eiko herself was shocked—did she just adopt the stalker's nickname for Squid Girl? That can't be good. The outburst was so unlike her as well, perhaps Chizuru's dangerous attitude was rubbing off on her. In any case, Sanae nodded vigorously in compliance and the enflamed redhead let her go. The now-frightened girl scampered away quickly and began to take down the various cameras at once. _Curse you Eiko…threatening me with the one thing that I'm totally powerless to defy._

"Dang Eiko, that was a little harsh~geso. By the way, who says that I'm _your _Squiddie?" she shuddered. "What, just because you kissed me means you own me now? What are you, a dog marking her territory?" Squid girl sniped.

"Who says a squid is entitled to human rights anyway? You're basically _are_ my property, a mere pet! I did all that because I was simply looking out for my property and nothing more!" Eiko spat back.

"Nothing more huh? Is that why you were panting in excitement when you stuck your tongue in my mouth?" Squid girl smirked.

This provoked Eiko enough to spontaneously grow a tail and dog ears. Growling, Eiko chomped down on one of Squid girl's tentacles.

"Oooowww~geso! I hate dogs!" Squid girl swung her tentacle about wildly until Eiko let go.

"Well, looks like things are back to normal now since you two are quarrelling again," Chizuru observed.

Eiko and Squid girl stopped staring each other down and growling in order to simultaneously turn both their heads toward Chizuru and say, "STAY OUT OF THIS!"

Chizuru chuckled and said to herself, "They're both too stubborn to admit how much they like each other even after all that? Sigh…oh well maybe someday." And so, Squid girl and Eiko continued bickering into the night, until Chizuru threatened that if they didn't shut up and go to bed, she'd challenge them both to a duel, this time to the death.

For an entire week after that, they couldn't look each other in the eyes, but eventually, things went back to normal between them after Squid girl accidently erased Eiko's game file again.

The End

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><p><strong>So there it is in all its silly pointlessness. It seems I can't write a story without throwing in references to other shows. There's a Yu-Gi-Oh, DBZ, and a Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy reference in there.<strong>

**Yeah the ending sort of leaves you feeling what, that's it? Then again so do most Squid girl manga chapters. I wanted it to end a sillier manner, but I forgot how I was going to make that happen. Anyway let me know with a review what you think of it.**


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